Self Reflection and A Lesson Learned

I am finding it hard to believe that I have been in Paris for a month now. Already a quarter of my time here has come and gone and I am left wondering where it has vanished to. I suppose the phrase “time flies when you’re having fun” is a cliché for a reason. In this month I have adapted to the city and gotten my bearings on cultural differences, basic French words, directions and have now built a hard exterior to random acts of French rudeness. As my homesickness begins to dissipate now that my brain is beginning to connect my dorm as my home base and my actual home as where I’ll be celebrating Christmas, it also becomes more ever present when realizing how much longer I actually have to go before I see family. Fortunately, I will see my first familiar face on October 15^th when a dear friend from Chicago comes to visit. I simply cannot wait!

            Looking back on this past month and all of the people I have kept in regular contact with gives me the happiest feeling that I have so many caring and supportive people in my life. On the other hand, people who I never thought I would go without talking to have simply disappeared from the picture and I have realized now that this experience is becoming so much more than four months studying in Paris, but instead the opportunity to see who I am and how strong I can be even when vulnerable. I am the girl who cried in the airport before security while saying goodbye to her mom. I cried leaving my sister and my aunt at the gate, even through their humorous serenade of “So Long, Farewell” and I continued through takeoff. Since then I have managed to retain lost luggage in a country who’s language I do not speak, plan, pack and travel to Amsterdam for a weekend, discover and live in a country I had never been to, plan two more trips to different countries, and learn to live outside of my comfort zone completely and I must say, I am proud of what I have accomplished in only one short month.

            Anyone who really knows me knows that I am not always the bravest person. I fear almost everything that is silly, and nothing that is real. The entire time I was planning my trip to Paris, the overwhelming feeling of panic overtook any kind of excitement that was trying to bubble out, even though I tried desperately to mask it. What can I say? Deep down, I’ve always been an anxiety prone mess. With this opportunity to jump without a safety net and hope to God I land on something soft (preferably in a vat of Nutella) I am learning that just as A.A. Milne taught me, I am braver than I believe, stronger than I seem, and smarter than I think. You don’t need a comfort blanket, a familiar buddy to go out with every night, pro/con lists to make decisions to get by. All anyone needs to be happy and accomplish something is an ounce of bravery, a dash of stupidity and a half-cup of self-confidence. Oh, and of course the right pair of shoes.
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